My name is Wayne Raney and I have spent the last 29
years of my life behind prison walls. I began my sentence in Jan. 1971. On January 13th, 1972, I was sitting in
a cell on Death Row at Ohio Penitentiary awaiting my execution. I was to die that day but what the state of Ohio
failed to realize was that I was already dead.
Physically I was alive - but inside I was dead. I was filled with bitterness, with despair. As I sat in my cell
awaiting death. I pondered my fate. And I saw my pending execution as being more merciful than having to spend
the rest of my life in prison. I had no fear of death. I saw it as my escape. I was guilty of murder and I accepted
the state's cry (an eye for an eye.) So be it!
That was the attitude that I had while I was on death row, as I awaited my execution.
The way I saw it, I was already dead anyway. And the guards never let you forget what awaited you. Every time you
were taken out of your cell, you'd be under a guard escort and they would holler, "Dead man walking"
and ALL movement would come to a halt.
My life had come to a halt! When I first entered Ohio Penitentiary, as I was escorted through its gate. I saw engraved
within stone above the gate, "All Who Enter Here Leave All Hope Behind."
That's what I did! Prison does that to you. It robs you of hope, of life, of your very soul. It is Satan's house.
And he rules here. And there was a time when he ruled over me.
But GOD has freed me from that prison - from Satan, from the hatred, the despair, that made up so much of my life.
For many years hatred and bitterness were my only companions and I embraced them as you would a friend, for that
is where I drew my strength. I used it as a source of food - it nourished me, it drove me, it gave me the strength,
the determination to live, to go on day after day, month after month, year after year while in prison.
As the years passed, that hatred grew, flourished inside prison walls and within me. Prison breeds hatred and despair
and everyone who's lived behind prison walls any length of time, falls victim to it in one form or another.
When you are exposed to the violence, the brutality, the cruelties, the degradation of prison life year after year,
it leaves you hard and calloused. It conditions you to be that way. You have to be that way sometimes to survive.
When I first entered Ohio's Penitentiary guys were being brutalized by guards on a daily basis. In those days guards
would seldom write you up for breaking the rules. Instead they'd just bust you upside your head and throw you in
the hole.
Violence was a way of life amongst both guards and convicts during the 70's. Everyone was its victim in one form
or another.
In those days everyone carried shanks (homemade knives). And they were quick to use them. Over the years, I have
seen or known of 30 - 40 men who were stabbed & killed inside the penitentiary. And I've seen them die in every
way imaginable - some from stab wounds, other beaten to death with iron pipes, burnt up with gasoline bombs thrown
into their cells. (One year they had over 200 stabbings inside the prison.) Others died by strangulation, some
were shot to death by guards, others beaten to death while they were in leg shackles and hand cuffs.
In those days guards would literally torture convicts by stripping them naked, handcuffing them to the bars on
a bed, and beat them or spray Mace all over their bodies.
I had guards break a shotgun butt over my head one time. Another time I was beaten for 4 - 6 hours while in handcuffs
lying on a table. Over the years, I've been subject to guard brutality in every form imaginable - physically, mentally,
psychologically. I spent 6 1/2 years in solitary confinement without ever seeing the sky, or feeling the warmth
of the sun upon my face. They let me out of my cell twice a week to shower and shave. I exercised in leg irons
and handcuffs in an area inside the cell block 4 feet wide, 20 feet long for 2 hours each week. We had no TV.
In those days when you went to the hole or isolation you couldn't have nothing. A lot of the guards would spit
in my food or urinate in it, or put laxatives in it then shut off the water in my cell so I couldn't flush the
toilet. Sometimes they'd go to the vent leading to my cell and spray Mace on me.
They used those tactics in an attempt to wage psychological warfare upon me - to try and break me mentally - to
try to take me to that mind-set in which I'd take my own life. A lot of men who were kept in isolation for long
periods of time (under those type of conditions) did take their own lives. But their treatment towards me had just
the opposite effect upon my life. It made me angrier, more bitter and it just nourished the hatred that I already
had inside of me. And that hatred grew as the years passed. It consumed me. It was the only thing that kept me
alive all those years I spent in solitary.
It tempered my mind, my will like steel. I was determined not to submit to them. I saw them (guards) as my enemy
and they in turn saw me as theirs. And I could understand that, for I had killed one of them during an escape attempt.
I'd had a gun smuggled into the prison and took hostages (5 guards). I let one guard go for I had only 4 bullets.
And I intended to kill them all. That's how deep the hatred ran inside of me. I knew I'd be killed in the process,
but I didn't care. All I cared about was killing as many of my enemies that I could before they killed me. Nothing
else mattered.
I was driven by hatred, by revenge - Satan was taking me to my own destruction and I didn't even care. Not about
dying, not about taking another human being's life, not about anything!
At that point I was surrounded by guards and snipers. They had me cornered in a cell block. I felt trapped. I knew
there was no way out and all I thought about in those moments was killing as many guards as I could before they
killed me. The way I saw it, they were killing me a little bit every day anyway - just slowly squeezing the life
out of me. At least this way I'd be going out fighting.
That was my mind-set. I could see the snipers very clearly for one was only 20 yards away from me and every time
I'd move I'd see the barrel of his rifle move with me. I kept waiting for him to shoot. He had a 308 hunting rifle
with a scope attached. At 20 yards, I knew he couldn't miss, but when he fired the bullet missed me and hit one
of the hostages in the chest. He died instantly! The bullet went through his body and through the brick wall. It's
impact broke a belt that I'd used to tie the guards together. At that point I saw a wall of guards rushing towards
me. They were armed with shotguns and rifles. the sound of a rifle exploding in my ears was a deafening sound and
I knew that it carried with it death - my death - but still I didn't care. I had already killed one guard and another
lay dead from a sniper's bullet.
The last thing I remember was waking up and being dragged through a hallway lined with guards who were beating
me with shotgun butts, rifles, billy clubs, spitting on me.
Four years after this took place eleven guards came to my cell in solitary to beat me. I'd made a knife out of
a piece of metal that I removed from a typewriter and I used it to stab two of the guards. I was beaten almost
to death by them and spent the next 3 months in the hole. But I didn't care. I was at war! That was my mind-set
at the time. I was filled with hatred, with bitterness. I'd had friends of mine killed by prison guards. They were
beating convicts for the mere pleasure of it. The conditions for the men in isolation (lock-up) at that time was
horrible.
It was the late 70's and Ohio's penal system was still in the dark ages. Conditions were so bad then that they
had five men cut off their little fingers to protest the brutality and conditions that we were forced to live under
at that time. While that protest was going on I and three other convicts went on a hunger strike for 24 days protesting
our living conditions - the brutality, etc.
Guards had tried to set me up to get another convict to kill me - but in those days that was normal practice. Guards
would manipulate people and situations to get convicts to kill other convicts. That's just how it was! It was war!
And we were all victims of it in one form or another - both convicts and guards. We were all victims of Satan's
domain.
I lived off hatred for years. I lived in a world of violence and death - a world of despair. I lived in a world
where men would kill you over a pack of cigarettes or for talking too loud - for disrespecting their space. I lived
in a world of hatred, of hopelessness where the strong ruled and the weak perished. It was Satan's house, and he
ruled in our lives!
I never trusted no one. I never let people get close to me for it's those who are close to you who are in a position
to hurt you the most - who will kill you. I've seen it happen many times over the years. So I kept everyone at
a distance - I let no one get too familiar with me.
I did my time alone. I dealt drugs (heroin) and for 25 years I was an addict - it was one of my demons. I had some
brothers who were connected to the Colombian cartel (drug lords) so I had access to all the drugs I wanted. They
were just a phone call away. Whatever I wanted in the way of drugs or money I got. If you could get it in the prison,
I had it. I had connections on the inside and outside to get whatever I wanted - drugs, booze, and other forms
of contraband.
In prison I was known as a guy who could make things happen. I was also known as someone who could hurt and kill
you if you crossed me.
I'd been shot, cut or stabbed on 6-7 different occasions over the years. On two of them I almost died. On one of
them I was pronounced dead in the street - no pulse, no heartbeat, nothing. I'd survived death row, shootings,
stabbings, 6 1/2 years in solitary, and every form of physical and mental abuse brutality imaginable. I even had
a demon appear to me one time. But even that didn't move me to change me life. And it was the most frightening
thing that I'd ever experienced.
At that time I was just starting to read the Bible. And over the years I had a number of people try to talk to
me about JESUS, but I didn't want to hear it. I ran my sister out of the visitation room one time when I was on
death row because she was trying to talk to me about JESUS. I didn't care about JESUS, or myself, or no one else.
I saw Christians as being weak and there was no place for anything weak in my life. I was so filled with hatred
that I didn't want JESUS or no one getting close to me - not my family, not my friends, not anyone. I kept everyone
at a distance.
My lawyer who was a Christian sent me a Bible when I was on death row but I never read it. It set on my shelf for
26 years.
Then one day I received a letter from a girl named Carol Joy from my hometown. She'd known me since she was 10
years old but I didn't know her. She had gotten my address from one of my sisters the year previously. She was
a Christian and when she wrote she told me that the HOLY SPIRIT had spoken to her heart and told her to write to
me. She was reluctant to do so for she had heard so many bad things about me (all of them true). But finally after
a year she wrote. When I became aware of the fact that she was a Christian I didn't want to write to her. I wasn't
looking for GOD. I didn't want GOD or no one in my life.
But I started to read the Bible just so I could discuss things in the Bible with her. Then one day I was reading
the story in the Bible in which JESUS was talking to the religious leaders. And he was calling them hypocrites
and vipers, children of Satan. That got my attention.
For the people HE was talking to had all the power (or so I thought) and they had the power to put him in prison
or execute HIM. For HIM to stand up to them in the way that HE did was something to be admired and respected. I
saw HIM as a warrior - I saw HIS strength, and courage and I admired and respected those qualities in HIM. That
drew me to HIM. As I began to read the Bible more I began to see JESUS differently than I had before.
I could relate to HIS execution for I had been on death row myself. I could relate to HIM being spit upon and mocked.
I could relate to HIM being beaten for I had been beaten by guards many times. I could relate to HIM being stabbed
in the side, for I've been stabbed.
It was then that I started seeing JESUS through different eyes. I cried when I read the story about HIS crucifixion
and how they had beat, spit upon and mocked him. I still weep when I read those stories in the Bible. I wanted
to know more about this man JESUS. So I started reading my Bible every day and GOD was opening / softening my heart
to the scriptures - to his son JESUS.
Then Carol came to visit me and when I saw her she had a glow on her face - she shined and she looked like an angel.
I knew it was JESUS that made her shine and that made me want to know JESUS even more. I wanted to know her better
also - six months later we were married. I've been a Christian now for 3 years and GOD has blessed me in many ways
- too many for me to go into at this time. He delivered me from death's door countless number of times. He delivered
me from drugs (heroin) for I'd been an addict most of my life (25 years).
I was told by doctors 4 years ago that I had arthritis and bone spurs in my neck and back - that it was crippling
me. Doctors were giving me nerve blocks - medication - but nothing would help. The pain was unbearable. I prayed
about it. I asked GOD to heal me and HE did. I've not had any pain in over two years now. But the greatest healing
that I experienced was the healing of my mind, my heart. I thank GOD every day from freeing me from my prison of
hatred and despair, for reaching into my heart and removing the chains that had kept me in bondage for so many
years.
There are just some things that you cannot place chains upon - that you cannot confine to a prison cell. God's
Spirit. His love for you is one of them. I am still bound in physical chains - I am still in prison. But there
are many kinds of prisons and we were all once prisoner to sin but through our LORD JESUS we have been set free.
For the first time in my life I feel free. I feel peace - a peace that can only come with the knowledge of knowing
that you are saved, that there is hope even for those living in the darkest of dungeons and that hope lies of course
in our LORD JESUS. If HIS light, HIS love can reach into the darkness of my world, my life and free me from my
prison, my chains of hatred and despair then there is hope for you. If GOD can touch my heart and change my life
then there is hope for everyone.
The hatred is gone. The LORD has removed all that hatred from my heart and replaced it with love - with compassion
for others. He's given me a heart transplant. He's given me a new life, a new attitude and outlook on life and
people.
One of my biggest struggles since becoming a Christian has been forgiveness. Forgiving myself for all the pain,
the hurt that I have caused others has been my greatest struggle. As a Christian I still struggle with it at times.
But I know that GOD has forgiven me. And the Bible tells us that HE will remember our sins no more - that they
are as far as from HIM as the East is from the West.
When I was reading those scriptures I could feel the Spirit speaking to my heart and telling me to forgive myself
- that GOD loved me, that CHRIST died for me, for my sins - to let my past go. I have!
Only by GOD's grace am I alive today. And I thank HIM every day for giving me the opportunity to serve HIM today.
I will never get out of prison (unless of course GOD wants me out) but I can serve HIM even while in chains. I
am free!
GOD bless you.
Wayne Raney #47142
Az State Prison
The painting, "Forgiven" is Copywritten
by Thomas
Blackshear II
